58-year-old dad demands that daughter give back $15,000 “no strings attached” gift for a down payment, family split when she refuses: ‘If we give it back we lose the house and thousands in fees’

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

How would you feel if someone gave you a gift and then demanded it back later? Perhaps you'd have pity on them for such a blatant display of desperation, or maybe you'd wonder if the gift was ever really intended to be without strings attached at all. Then you'd probably start wondering how else they've likely tried or succeeded to manipulate you in the past. 
In some cases, even if you really want to give the gift back, it's literally impossible. I'm snacking on a back of saltwater that my work buddy brought me from Jersey as a souvenir gift. If he wanted it back for whatever reason, there's not much I could do about it. 
But today, we're not dealing with regional sweets and office besties, we're dealing with a dad that gave his daughter $15,000 as a gift for a down payment on a house. Now she's days away from owning her first home, and he's demanding it back so he can regift it to his new girlfriend. When he starts guilt trip her with the whole "family helps family" shtick, she's left wondering what that says about their own relationship.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10542342912
    via interstid

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My fiancé (30M) and I (28F) have been saving for a house for years. Back in February, my dad (58M) offered to gift us $15,000 to help with
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 03
    the down payment. He said he wanted to see us in our first home while he's still around and made a big deal about how it was no strings
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 04
    650 SVICE TED STATES FRANKLIN HL 43420465 G y of the Taney DRED DOLLARS ΤΟΣ
    via breeze393 from Getty Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    attached. We found a place in April, put in an offer, and it was accepted. As part of the process, I transferred my savings and his $15k into our joint account so the mortgage broker
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 06
    account so the mortgage broker could see proof of funds. Everything was on track until last month, when my dad suddenly said he needed the $15k back. Apparently his girlfriend's
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 07
    son, whom I barely know, is in legal trouble and needs help more urgently than we do. He said we are young, can keep saving, and family comes first, meaning his girlfriend's kid.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10542342144
    via SUWANNAR KAWILA

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    Problem is, the $15k is already in closing costs and deposits. If we give it back, we lose the house and thousands in fees. I told him we can't return it now without ruining our deal.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 10
    He blew up, saying I'm choosing a house over family and that he only gave us the money because he
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 11
    thought we would understand if something came up. Now half my extended family is calling me selfish, while the other half says a gift is a gift
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 12
    and I don't owe him anything. My fiancé is furious and says we shouldn't give in, but I hate that this could permanently damage my relationship with my dad.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10542342656
    via BongkarnThanyakij from Getty Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    AITA for refusing to give back my dad's down payment money?
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom

  • Let this be a teachable moment for dad; he can finally learn the meaning of the word “gift.”

  • 15
    Isolde Rune NTA. My uncle did this, promised my cousin tuition money, then took it back last-minute for his new wife's
    via u/IsoldeRune
  • 16
    shopping spree. Some people just love the idea of generosity more than the actual commitment.
    via u/IsoldeRune
  • 17
    lilacwhisperbloom OP Wow, that sounds rough. Honestly, I'm starting to see my dad's promise as just talk. Real help means sticking to your word, not backing out when it's inconvenient.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 18
    Whoknows2736 Yep. I grew up with this, hollow promises of financial assistance that never came through. They did like the attention that other people gave when they told them all of the ways they assisted me. 99% never came to be.
    via u/Whoknows2736
  • 19
    Impossible_Balance11 Classic narcissistic trait, yes. Making big, empty promises makes them feel magnanimous, gives them an ego boost in the moment. They they get P ED when you remind them later, ask for promise fulfillment.
    via u/Impossible_Balance11
  • 20
    NTA nouniquenamesleft2 "If we give it back, we lose the house and thousands in fees."
    via u/nouniquenamesleft2
  • 21
    Bored_Eastly He also said "no strings attached" - Why is he giving $15k when he 'seemly' doesn't have any other real savings?
    via u/Bored_Eastly

  • How any of the family are on his side is mind-blowing to me. They're really okay with her losing her home for the sake of dad's girlfriend's son?

  • 22
    Flirty Little_ Yeah, that part feels really suspicious to me too.
    via u/FlirtyLittle_
  • 23
    Shadow4summer Just tell him, if we back out of the deal your $15,000 is gone forever, as we used it for earnest money/ downpayment, whatever. That it's impossible to return that money as it's already spent. Are you not his family?
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 24
    Beautiful-Report58 The answer is no. It was a gift for a down payment and it has been used for such. It's now part of a contract that I cannot undo. There's nothing more I can do for you.
    via u/Beautiful-Report58
  • 25
    NTA Uglym8s Your dad has now permanently ruined your relationship between the two of you. I wouldn't worry about you playing a part in this, because you're innocent.
    via u/Uglym8s
  • 26
    Family comes first? So why is he choosing a non-family member over you?
    via u/Uglym8s
  • 27
    lilacwhisperbloom OP Exactly. If family really came first, he wouldn't be siding with someone outside the family over his own kid.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom
  • 28
    shooter_tx "When you said 'family comes first'... Dad... I thought you meant me!"
    via u/shooter_tx
  • 29
    Financial_Freedom970 NTA the money is spent and you are locked up financially now. He insisted it was a gift and if he didnt have the means he shouldn't have offered. If the relationship suffers thats on him
    via u/Financial_Freedom970
  • 30
    Firm Assumption_7940 Stick to your guns. If you cave, you'll not only lose the house, you'll set the precedent that you're a piggy bank he can raid whenever he wants.
    via u/Firm_Assumption_7940
  • 31
    lilacwhisperbloom OP That's my fiancé's biggest worry too.
    via u/lilacwhisperbloom

Tags

relationship advice family drama adulting homeowner relationships parenting couples dad adulthood family money parents Father
Scroll Down For The Next Article